Week 2 Wrap Up - The Good, The Bad and the Fugly

Struggletown. Population: me.

I dealt with a lot is week; for the most part, horribly. I apologise in advance for the anticipated length of this post. You may want to grab a cup of herbal tea and some imaginary biscuits.

I was so proud of myself last week. I stuck to the nutrition plans and did all 6 days of exercise - no excuses. I eagerly jumped on the scales on weigh in day expecting a result commensurate with my stellar effort. I'd lost 600 grams. Seriously, WTF? I was (and still am) really dejected and demotivated. I am one of those people who, in general, will try anything once, but if I'm not immediately brilliant at it, I give it away. I'm very much a result driven person and am easily deterred if I don't get out what I put in in equal measures. I know, I know, it's not all about weight, it's about measurements and feeling a change and all of that shit. Not only did I not lose much weight, I wasn't feeling any other change.

I had a PT session on Thursday morning and, as it was my 4th week, I was due to undertake a fitness test and measure-up to track my progress. Great. I was already feeling like total crap. I jumped on the scales and the friggin' gym scales said I was a kg heavier than I was at home 45 minutes earlier. Super. My trainer gave me the "don't worry, muscle weighs more than fat" shit. Uh huh. Whatever, stick lady. 

Then something amazing happened. I had lost at least 5cm from every major measurement. Up to 7-8cm in some places. Not only that, but I doubled my "how many reps of this bastard exercise can you do in one minute" efforts in just 4 weeks and gained 6cm on my sit and reach! My visceral fat score had gone down one point and my body fat percentage had also gone down. The odd thing is that I had actually lost muscle percentage. My trainer suggested this was because I wasn't consuming all of my calories and so my body was converting muscle into fat because it thinks it's starving or something. Ha, my body has never, ever had reason to believe it was going an hour without food. I had been rather conservative with my snacks and ended up 200-300 calories short each day. I can't compute eating more with losing weight, but I'll give it a try.

Overall, I was pumped. &@$% you, scales! Eye of the Tiger was playing in the back of my head all day. I was punching the air on the inside all day. So, why did it all go to shit from here? I'm the master of self sabotage. That's why.

I pushed myself so hard in my PT session that I hurt myself pretty bad. Rather than force myself, I thought I'd better listen to my body and give it a rest. I therefore only completed 3/6 training sessions this week. That's half an effort. On Friday, I attended a work meeting where lunch was provided. I could've had a perfectly healthy wrap or a couple of wholemeal sandwich triangles. Nope, mini quiches, deep fried prawns, profiteroles, hot chocolates, orange juice, cheese and crackers. I went to town. Why, oh why, do I do this to myself? Then, having skipped the SSS on Saturday, I somehow thought I was entitled to a cheat meal and scoffed down 2 vegetable samosas, butter chicken and evil, white rice.

And then I continued to cheat, badly, all day today. Well, now I feel like total crap. Everything I shoved in my mouth for the last 3 days tasted like regret. I'm all bloated and feel totally disgusting. Good. Punishment. Remember this feeling next time a profiterole makes eyes at me. Evil little chocolate bastard.

My brain is in need of some serious re-training. Over the last couple of years, I've been rewarding myself with food. Got through a bad day at work = chocolate. Housework done = McDonalds for lunch. What am I? A puppy learning not to wee in the house? FFS! Before falling off the wagon this week, I was slowly starting to reward myself with calorie-free things, like a hot bath using all the bath salts and lovely smelly soaps I usually get as gifts and then throw out when they've expired because they were too nice to use. Use them all! Lap it up! I've also started buying myself little presents. Don't worry, I hate shopping and am definitely not going overboard. Just little things here and there. Like a cute lunch bag or a new piece of exercise gear. I am also starting to occupy myself more productively. If I'm busy, I don't want to eat. I've been stuck in a rut where I eat my dinner in front of the TV and then park myself on the couch with the TV, my iPad and a sugary drink or some Tim Tams. I've removed all social networking and games from my iThings. They're making me lazy. If I want to check them I have to go into the study and look at them on the PC. Otherwise, I have this horrible, anti-social compulsion to check my phone every 5 minutes, which is a bloody ridiculous waste of time. I've started making my wedding invites and other bits of crafty goodness for the wedding. It is keeping me very occupied.

I also think I need to adjust my goals. Sure, I want to lose 15kg, be fitter, feel healthier, blah blah blah, but I also need some more personalised goals, like:

- making all of the mean bitches I went to school with jealous when someone posts drunk ass photos of me looking smoking hot at my hens night on Facebook in August;

- being able to buy a work outfit from Cue and not look like when you accidentally prick a BBQ sausage with a fork and all the meat bursts out;

- walking into somewhere like Lorna Jane and buying some skimpy outfit, not to wear, just because I can dammit!;

- zero wedding dress back fat / bouquet toss arm wobble tolerance;

- being able to wear a pair of jeans on my honeymoon without being harpooned by the local people;

Etc.....

But it won't be easy. My office is relocating to a really inconvenient location in 2 weeks and it will throw my routine out the door. I will spend more time commuting and have less time to work out, cook and chill out. I will also lose my gym in the move...and I was just getting to that stage where the regulars would acknowledge me with a belonging nod! I've never attended a gym consistently enough to get nods!! In 4 weeks I am also going to the US for 10 days for a work conference. I worry that I'll placate my chronic motion sickness with soft drinks and fatty snacks on the plane. I worry that I won't have time to exercise (even though I'll be in the city of Rocky's famous montage - notice the theme here?) and that, because I will be a scared little girl all by myself in a strange country, I'll grab fast food and hide in my room. American food is so horrible and full of shit. I guess I just have to cross those bridges as I come across them and try to make the best decisions that I can, one at a time.

This weekend has been a harsh reminder. I am motivated more than ever to get back on the wagon at 7am tomorrow. My brekkie and lunch are packed. My gym gear is packed by the door. It's a new week. I'm going to put week 2 behind me. Eye of the tiger - rawwwrrr!