Week 2 Wrap Up - The Good, The Bad and the Fugly

Struggletown. Population: me.

I dealt with a lot is week; for the most part, horribly. I apologise in advance for the anticipated length of this post. You may want to grab a cup of herbal tea and some imaginary biscuits.

I was so proud of myself last week. I stuck to the nutrition plans and did all 6 days of exercise - no excuses. I eagerly jumped on the scales on weigh in day expecting a result commensurate with my stellar effort. I'd lost 600 grams. Seriously, WTF? I was (and still am) really dejected and demotivated. I am one of those people who, in general, will try anything once, but if I'm not immediately brilliant at it, I give it away. I'm very much a result driven person and am easily deterred if I don't get out what I put in in equal measures. I know, I know, it's not all about weight, it's about measurements and feeling a change and all of that shit. Not only did I not lose much weight, I wasn't feeling any other change.

I had a PT session on Thursday morning and, as it was my 4th week, I was due to undertake a fitness test and measure-up to track my progress. Great. I was already feeling like total crap. I jumped on the scales and the friggin' gym scales said I was a kg heavier than I was at home 45 minutes earlier. Super. My trainer gave me the "don't worry, muscle weighs more than fat" shit. Uh huh. Whatever, stick lady. 

Then something amazing happened. I had lost at least 5cm from every major measurement. Up to 7-8cm in some places. Not only that, but I doubled my "how many reps of this bastard exercise can you do in one minute" efforts in just 4 weeks and gained 6cm on my sit and reach! My visceral fat score had gone down one point and my body fat percentage had also gone down. The odd thing is that I had actually lost muscle percentage. My trainer suggested this was because I wasn't consuming all of my calories and so my body was converting muscle into fat because it thinks it's starving or something. Ha, my body has never, ever had reason to believe it was going an hour without food. I had been rather conservative with my snacks and ended up 200-300 calories short each day. I can't compute eating more with losing weight, but I'll give it a try.

Overall, I was pumped. &@$% you, scales! Eye of the Tiger was playing in the back of my head all day. I was punching the air on the inside all day. So, why did it all go to shit from here? I'm the master of self sabotage. That's why.

I pushed myself so hard in my PT session that I hurt myself pretty bad. Rather than force myself, I thought I'd better listen to my body and give it a rest. I therefore only completed 3/6 training sessions this week. That's half an effort. On Friday, I attended a work meeting where lunch was provided. I could've had a perfectly healthy wrap or a couple of wholemeal sandwich triangles. Nope, mini quiches, deep fried prawns, profiteroles, hot chocolates, orange juice, cheese and crackers. I went to town. Why, oh why, do I do this to myself? Then, having skipped the SSS on Saturday, I somehow thought I was entitled to a cheat meal and scoffed down 2 vegetable samosas, butter chicken and evil, white rice.

And then I continued to cheat, badly, all day today. Well, now I feel like total crap. Everything I shoved in my mouth for the last 3 days tasted like regret. I'm all bloated and feel totally disgusting. Good. Punishment. Remember this feeling next time a profiterole makes eyes at me. Evil little chocolate bastard.

My brain is in need of some serious re-training. Over the last couple of years, I've been rewarding myself with food. Got through a bad day at work = chocolate. Housework done = McDonalds for lunch. What am I? A puppy learning not to wee in the house? FFS! Before falling off the wagon this week, I was slowly starting to reward myself with calorie-free things, like a hot bath using all the bath salts and lovely smelly soaps I usually get as gifts and then throw out when they've expired because they were too nice to use. Use them all! Lap it up! I've also started buying myself little presents. Don't worry, I hate shopping and am definitely not going overboard. Just little things here and there. Like a cute lunch bag or a new piece of exercise gear. I am also starting to occupy myself more productively. If I'm busy, I don't want to eat. I've been stuck in a rut where I eat my dinner in front of the TV and then park myself on the couch with the TV, my iPad and a sugary drink or some Tim Tams. I've removed all social networking and games from my iThings. They're making me lazy. If I want to check them I have to go into the study and look at them on the PC. Otherwise, I have this horrible, anti-social compulsion to check my phone every 5 minutes, which is a bloody ridiculous waste of time. I've started making my wedding invites and other bits of crafty goodness for the wedding. It is keeping me very occupied.

I also think I need to adjust my goals. Sure, I want to lose 15kg, be fitter, feel healthier, blah blah blah, but I also need some more personalised goals, like:

- making all of the mean bitches I went to school with jealous when someone posts drunk ass photos of me looking smoking hot at my hens night on Facebook in August;

- being able to buy a work outfit from Cue and not look like when you accidentally prick a BBQ sausage with a fork and all the meat bursts out;

- walking into somewhere like Lorna Jane and buying some skimpy outfit, not to wear, just because I can dammit!;

- zero wedding dress back fat / bouquet toss arm wobble tolerance;

- being able to wear a pair of jeans on my honeymoon without being harpooned by the local people;

Etc.....

But it won't be easy. My office is relocating to a really inconvenient location in 2 weeks and it will throw my routine out the door. I will spend more time commuting and have less time to work out, cook and chill out. I will also lose my gym in the move...and I was just getting to that stage where the regulars would acknowledge me with a belonging nod! I've never attended a gym consistently enough to get nods!! In 4 weeks I am also going to the US for 10 days for a work conference. I worry that I'll placate my chronic motion sickness with soft drinks and fatty snacks on the plane. I worry that I won't have time to exercise (even though I'll be in the city of Rocky's famous montage - notice the theme here?) and that, because I will be a scared little girl all by myself in a strange country, I'll grab fast food and hide in my room. American food is so horrible and full of shit. I guess I just have to cross those bridges as I come across them and try to make the best decisions that I can, one at a time.

This weekend has been a harsh reminder. I am motivated more than ever to get back on the wagon at 7am tomorrow. My brekkie and lunch are packed. My gym gear is packed by the door. It's a new week. I'm going to put week 2 behind me. Eye of the tiger - rawwwrrr!

Week 1 Complete

Congratulations to my fellow 12wbters! In a few hours, we will have made it through Week 1!

I am currently enjoying my rest day which, I can honestly say, has been well deserved this week. I've stuck to the nutrition plans and I've completed 6 straight days of exercise, ending with the SSS or Super Saturday Session or Shit Seriously Stop or today's acronym, Sore So Sore.

It took me about 90 minutes to complete and I cannot move today. My calves feel like overfilled water balloons and I'm scared to bend my leg in case they burst! I'm currently sitting on my super soft, pillow top mattress as this is the only place I can find in the house to sit where my bottom doesn't ache!! I had grand plans to get a tonne of housework done but I couldn't even lift my arms to tie my hair up this morning. I know, I know....

Time for a concrete smoothie to harden up!

I also completed my shopping for Week 2 yesterday. I cut down my shopping bill a little by shopping at local businesses. I live equal distances from Sydney and Wollongong so I was able to buy a lot from local farmers, butchers and fish markets. It's a lot fresher and it tastes so much better. My laziness had previously made me accept the flavourless and expensive supermarket produce. It's worth the couple of extra hours of running around. My supermarket shop fit in a basket.

I swapped quite a few of the meals around for the coming week. I've only recently been forcing myself to try seafood and I'm quite picky about it. The fish stew did not appeal to me at all so I swapped that out. I'm also really, really struggling with breakfasts. After not eating breakfast for over half of my life, I find it hard to stomach food in the morning and only ever get through a couple of bites. I'm not the biggest fan of muesli type things as they all taste like wet cardboard to me! I am totally hanging out for that laksa on Friday, though! I looooove laksa! Nom nom nom.

What did everyone have for their cheat meal last night? 

I had a 7 course French degustation :S Not a regular weekly thing by any means; it was a very special occasion. I only ate a small salad during the day, but I'm sure I probably exceeded 1200 cals overall :( I'm not going to beat myself up about it. It was a one off. I worked out super hard in the morning, I didn't eat much during the day, and I'm back on the wagon today. Move on. 

Here are some more photos from Week 1

This pizza was SO filling. It was nice to be able to say "I ate a whole pizza by myself" without hearing little pig squeals in my head! Oink oink...

My favourite part of the workouts! ;)

Saw this in the supermarket yesterday and nearly vomited into my own basket. Next to these, you could buy cartons of ready to pour omelette! Bleuuurgghhhhhhh!!!!!!

Call me what you will, but how hard is it to crack an egg? I've noticed myself taking way more notice of the nutritional panels on food products. The amount of sugar and salt that is hidden in the unlikeliest of products is just disgusting. Processed food is so friggin' evil!!! I think one of the best things about the 12wbt is that the recipes are so simple, easy to follow and TASTY. Goes to show that it doesn't take that much more effort to prepare a fresh, healthy meal than to pop some "chicken" nuggets in the oven.

Now, I don't have any children, but I work a demanding full time job, have a partner and dog to take care of and a household to run. I don't get a massive amount of spare time and this program is currently taking up a lot of it; but it's totally doable. Even at this early stage, I can't stomach the thought of eating another canned soup or Lean Cuisine. I might as well drink a cup of sea water.

I think I shall invest in one of those heart monitor thingys that shows calories burnt. Would be interesting to see what I'm actually burning because I feel like I'm totally killing myself! I actually feel that  the 12wbt videos and exercise plans give me a far more intense workout than my PT currently does. There's $650 well spent :S Oh well, only 5 more sessions left and then I'm on my own.

This week also marked 4 months until my wedding. Eeeeeeep! 

All the best for Week 2, everyone! xo

Day 4

I now realise why Michelle recommends training first thing in the morning. There's sooooo much room for things to get in your way in the evening. I had it all planned. I was going to leave work, get my eyebrows done, come home, do my workout video and make dinner. Ha!

There was an enormous fatal accident on the semi-rural road I use to get to and from work and they had blocked it in both directions and diverted all traffic onto some dirt road in the middle of the frigging bush where a hundred cars sat in the dark for 45 minutes waiting for the Police to stop traffic so we could re-join another main road. Then, of course, my amazing sense of direction and I got totally disoriented and accidentally started driving back to work (look, I'm good at OTHER things, OK?! :P). So, I pulled over and called my partner and started crying because it was cold and dark and I was tired and I didn't know where I was and I missed my beautician appointment and, as a result, would have to spend the next week looking like Bert and/or Ernie. 2 hours, 3 motorways and some toll money later, I made it home. Phew!

The point of this story is that this is where I'd ordinarily let the excuses in. It's late, I'm cranky, I'm tired, I can't be bothered and only fried rice and lemon chicken can comfort me right now. Oh and a shopping bag full of artificially pink prawn chips. But I surprised myself. I got in the door, albeit very pissed off at the world, changed into my gear and did the Mish on Possible video while my partner cooked our salmon stir fry! I was over it before I even pressed play, but once I got into it, I felt good! Helped upper cut some of my shitty mood out of myself. Oh and dinner was yum!

After 4 straight days of training, I am feeling the coveted burn in muscles I didn't even know I owned. If I do one more plank, I think I'm going to face plant myself into the carpet and be unable to get up for a week. 2 more days till rest day. I'm banking on this getting easier each week!

I also downloaded my meal plan and shopping list for next week. As this is my first time, I'm learning a few things the hard way, like how to read a bloody recipe properly. I realised today, rather unfortunately, that I went shopping last Saturday and was so eager to buy everything that I didn't have any regard to the fact that I wouldn't be eating some of the ingredients for a week from then. Must remember to do a mini shop mid-week for things like meat and seafood or else it will spoil. My little Staffy is eating like a prince this week. Expensive lesson!

And finally, to those who subscribe to my scales' subliminal messages - I replaced the battery today. When I stood on them, it just said "Err". My scale is giving me a complex! I think I'll put it in the cupboard and just bring it out on Wednesdays. Otherwise, I have this compulsion to weigh myself every time I get a tissue out if the bathroom or brush my teeth. Perhaps this is what the scale is trying to tell me - "Errrrr, same as 5 minutes ago?".

Day 3

If someone suggested to me about a month ago that I would be waking up in the dark and going to the gym before work (but not before fixing myself a boiled egg!), I would've secretly harboured some serious concerns for their mental health. But here I am, doing it!

I was exhausted and crippled before I even set foot on the treadmill this morning. Now it only hurts when i stand, sit or breathe :P I pushed through and somehow made it through an hour of cardio. I've been noticing that on the days I don't have a trainer, I've been pushing myself a lot harder than I normally would with no one watching. It was previously "what's that, body? You've had enough? Ok let's go home and soothe those aching muscles with a nice, hot pizza".

I made the Vietnamese chicken wrap today and it was delicious. Even my partner liked it! I really can't stop raving about the food. All of the recipes so far have been quick, easy and, surprisingly, satisfying! I'm discovering that I might not actually need to eat a ute full of ice cream after dinner (don't forget the Ice Magic) in order to keep living!

I accidentally buggered up the dinner as I didn't read the recipe properly. I knew the meal plan said I was having stroganoff tonight and again for lunch tomorrow, but assumed the recipe was for 4 serves, as was the case with the chicken soup. I was supposed to double the recipe. Whoops. I wondered why there were extra beans and mushys in the fridge. Oh well.

I measured out the dry pasta and had some real trouble believing 15 little tubes were going to feed 2 hungry people. My Nonna buys pasta in 10kg bags. Seriously! WTF was this poor excuse for a portion? I was quickly proved wrong. The whole dish was extremely filling, so much so that I felt guilty! For the avoidance of any doubt, I did only eat 1 portion, not both!!!! I boiled up another portion of pasta and just threw some veggies to make up for tomorrow's lunch.

Day 3 Dinner

Today is also weigh in day. Or at least it was meant to be. I stepped on the scales this morning and they just said "Lo". Had I lost so much weight that the scales couldn't even detect me? Alas, it was just a flat battery. One more thing to add to the next giant shopping list coming our way at 10am tomorrow!

Day 2 - owwwwww!

I think today was harder than yesterday.

I've now successfully declined office cake on 2 separate occasions; something I never thought myself capable of.

Tried to eat breakfast again but only made it half way through my portion before I felt like I couldn't keep any more down. Leftover soup for lunch was just the ticket for a cold day at work.

As I did strength training with my PT yesterday, I decided to do the Earn Your Burn video today. I've now been training for 3 weeks and thought that might put me on a good footing for this workout video. Wrong! It kicked my ass so hard! It was a great video, though. Lots of intensity options, breaks and reasonable pushes, where required. When I got out of the shower, my partner was taking dinner out of the oven. I nearly dropped dead. He had found the recipe and made it all by himself; and it was delicious!!! I think it speaks volumes for Michelle's recipes that the food is a huge hit with the non-dieters.

I then spent the next hour preparing brekkie and lunch for tomorrow. This thing sure is time and labor intensive :S Hopefully, it will get easier once I'm in a decent routine.

I also completed my week 1 challenge today. We were asked to create an inspiration board for our journey. This is mine: http://pinterest.com/principessa27/12wbt-week-1-challenge-inspiration-board/

Tomorrow is weigh in day, which seems a little premature, seeing as though we've only been at it for 2 days. 

After boiling my egg, I'm going to drag myself to the gym tomorrow before work. In so much pain right now!!! Gotta keep pushing through...

Day 1

I think today was always going to be one of the hardest of the next 12 weeks. It sometimes takes more effort to start something than to finish it.

I got home late last night from Mother's Day celebrations and starting preparing my meals for the next day. But that's where I need to give my halo back - I was so "busy" preparing today's meals that we "had" to get Thai for dinner. Seriously, where's the bloody logic in that? I think I was trying to give myself one big hurrah before this began, but instead of coconut milk and lemongrass, all I tasted was guilt and regret, which only spurred me on to start today.

I got up at 6 and made my breakfast. I haven't eaten breakfast for about 25 years (I know, I know, most important meal...blah blah...put your spears away!) and I can't really stomach food before 10am ordinarily. So, I forced it down, but could only eat half of my portion. Figured it was better to stop when full, rather than force feed. I then went to a PT session at the gym before work. I confessed to my trainer that I'd eaten some cake yesterday and she punished me with mountain climbers and burpees. Just as well I didn't tell her about the whole friggin' buffet!

I never imagined myself going to the gym before work, or doing anything before work except pressing 'snooze' 46 times before dragging my sorry butt out of bed. It's been 3 weeks now and I'm already feeling a huge difference. I'm so awake and focused at work now; it's incredible. 

Lunch was delicious today. I really enjoyed it. Dinner was also good. Glad to have made extra for lunch tomorrow. 

Day 1 - Dinner

I really love how totally brainless the nutrition plans are. No thinking required. I used to dread coming home and having the same argument with my partner every damn night:

"What do you want for dinner?"

"I dunno, what do you want?"

"Well, what do you feel like?"

"I don't care, anything"

And then we will have wasted so much time we jump in the car and head to the nearest drive-thru. Shameful!

One thing I forgot to shop for was snacks. Over the last 3 weeks of pre season, I'd weaned myself off of all snacks as I no longer wanted to do the 3pm zombie walk to the vending machine at work. Must buy (healthy) snacks.

It's interesting to notice how quickly your body can get used to eating healthy. After a relatively sugar free diet over the past 3 weeks, yesterday's little sweet binge left me with the biggest sugar comedown today. Felt like a scene out of Trainspotting!!! I used to be a 1-2 can of Coke a day kind of girl. Add a chockie bar, a packet of chips, no brekkie and take out every couple of days and you don't have to ponder too long about how I got here! Baby steps...

1 day to go

Yesterday was a productive and eye-opening day. I got up early and, with the help of my partner, completed the fitness tests. Whoa. What a wake up call!

I started with the 1km run which, didn't look too hard until I got about half way and needed to walk for a minute. I finished in 7m08s but was breathing like a rhino for a good 10 minutes after I'd finished! I felt like a baby elephant stamping down the footpath and wondered if the people in the passing cars were laughing at me, because I felt ridiculous. Oh well, at least I'm trying, right?

I then came home to complete the rest of the tests. My push-ups (knees) were ok as my trainer has been pushing me with these over the last 2 weeks. The sit and reach test was abysmal. I could barely reach the ruler, let alone my toes! The plank and the wall sit were the worst. I only lasted 15 secs on the wall sit and Michelle said a beginner should be 59 secs or less! I don't think she meant that much less. Having my partner sit there and say "what's so hard about that?" wasn't really helping :S He takes his ridiculously amazing metabolism for granted.

Then, to add insult to injury, I took my measurements and 'before' photos. Yuck. I haven't worn a bathing suit in years because I've been too ashamed of showing any part of me. I realised I look much worse in photos than when I look in the mirror, and I already have a pretty poor opinion of myself when I look in the mirror, so I felt like total shit seeing those photos. I've personally never seen the back of myself in a bikini. It was disgusting. My partner was helping me with the measurements and photos and I just started crying because I was so ashamed of how I'd let myself go :( Anyway, enough self loathing. This is why I'm doing this. This is me setting up a road block so I can never get here again. It was an emotional and brutally honest exercise.

After going out for (a healthy) lunch, I then went shopping with my shopping list because I knew I'd be spending today with my mum and wouldn't have time; not giving myself any excuses. Holy moly. So many things! It was double my normal weekly grocery bill, but when I factor in a couple of things (e.g. I won't be buying lunches or take away dinners, the condiments will last me more than one week, the menu feeds 2, etc) the cost probably balances out. So what does the week 1 shop look like?!

And that isn't even all of it! I already had some of the ingredients in the pantry. It all looks delicious and will take a heck of a lot of organisation and preparation (especially on the mornings that I train), but I'm looking forward to trying new things. A few people on the forums were whinging that waaaah they don't eat this or wahhhh they don't eat that. I'm using this to try stuff I don't usually eat. Although, I must confess, I just couldn't bring myself to eat kangaroo, so I did substitute this with beef!!

I like that I can print out the meal plan and recipes and then, if my partner gets homes before me, he can just flick to the recipe and get things started instead of waiting for me because most of the things I cook are in my head. I also like the fact that I don't have to think about what to make, what to buy, portion sizes, etc. Virtually foolproof!

One more sleep until this journey begins! I wish all of my fellow travellers lots of support and motivation. Lets do this!!!!!! 

And finally, happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers out there. I hope you have a wonderful day!